So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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