You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
