Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
