PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
