I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
