if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
