somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
