**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
