one might say we're banned from that church
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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