Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
