Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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