Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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