Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
