Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We have so much sex to catch up on
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
