I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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