Sry I called you an 8
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
