i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
