so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
