is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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