I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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