I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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