I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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