i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
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