Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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