She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
