Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
