guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
