How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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