how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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