Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Do you still have your period?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
