Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
