The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You work out of a Hotel?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
