Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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