FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
