The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
