Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
