What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
