Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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