you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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