You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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