I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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