Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I puked a lego.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
