fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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