I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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