We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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