get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
