Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
