Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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