yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
