How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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