conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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