apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
