You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
