he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
