if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
