im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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