all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize