I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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