I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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