all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
