I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize