Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
