So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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