So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i came on her dog
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
