I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
