1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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