we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
