i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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