Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize