Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
