Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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